Siblings

 Siblings

Nearly four years ago, I went from thinking I had no siblings to having five. In most situations you are raised with your siblings around and judgements about them are likely tainted from a lifetime of interactions.  But in my case, I first knew of my siblings when I was sixty-eight years old.   It's easy for me to see how different we all are.

The first sibling I met was my sister Mary.  When she discovered we were brother and sister, she almost immediately came to visit.  She is the youngest of my siblings and seems the most outgoing.  Mary is very emotional and is very much into family.  Just five months after we first met and knew of each other, Mary came to our daughter Rose’s wedding (the only sibling that did) and immediately blended into the wedding program as though she and I had always been together a lifetime.  

The second sibling I met is my brother Bob and his wife Dorothy (aka Dot).  We met them about two months after we met Mary.  Bob was my oldest brother.  We spent the night before we met Bob and Dot in a hotel near their home, in Pismo Beach.  They had asked us to spend the night, but we knew nothing about them, or their house so decided it was best to visit in mid-day and check things out first.  When we did meet them the next day, it was a wonderful experience and we agreed to spend two nights at their house on our return home after being in Los Angeles.  I went back several times over the next three years.  Bob died earlier this year.

The day after meeting Bob, and just two months after meeting Mary, I met my sister Joanne who is three years older than me.  Joanne was also adopted, but unlike me, knew of her adoption.  She also knew she had a younger brother as I was offered to her adopted parents, but they refused me, and I went to another family instead.  Joanne, like me, was raised as an only child in a Jewish home.  I think we have the most in common due to our upbringing. 

I have two brothers I have not met and likely never will.  My brother Ray, who lives in Florida, separated from the family, and even his own two adult sons, years ago.  My only conversation with Ray is through his wife as we are Facebook friends.  Ray is a film maker so I had originally thought he would run with the story of the adoption.  But now I’m guessing we’ll not meet.

Finally, I have a brother Jim.  Jim and I have met through Zoom on an extended family call and have had one or two phone calls.  I offered to drop by and visit him in Oregon last month, but he never responded in the positive and has not talked with me now in several months.  The reason he gives to others but not to me directly, is his anger at our very religious mother having two children out of wedlock.  I’m still unclear why that would affect him meeting me. 

So there I go, now one of six and not a lonely child.  One sibling is a Jewbu that lives in LA.  She lives in the apartment she grew up in and inherited from her adopted parents.  Another, a totally non religious man that lived and died in Nipomo, with a different mother who he never knew, and was seen more like a distant uncle by my younger siblings.  One, a seemingly nonreligious man who left home as soon as he could and has nothing to do with the family.  Another brother, who is very religious as is his wife, and therefore will not accept that I exist.  And finally, a somewhat religious sister that appears to have lived a free-spirited life and one that family is so important to.    To me, my three full siblings seem so dysfunctional.   It's easy for me to see looking in.  Would it have been easy to see if I was part of this family group growing up?    I do not know.  What I do feel is joy at having been adopted.